Crazy Asian American Dad Sees Barely Exceeds Standard on WASL Test

Originally printed in Asian Week Dec 7, 2006

Crazy Asian American Dad Sees Barely Exceeds Standard

My kid’s teacher showed me Huang Yixin and Wei Wei doing their 2 Chinese boys routine. They’re from the the Guangzhou Academy of Fine Arts. I just checked Google Video, and the Backstreet Boys “I Want it That Way” was the number 9th most viewed of time, and 14,000 views last week. A friend of my boys showed me Eric Liang’s “Crazy Asian Mother”.  A boy poses as his mother who likes A's in AP calculus and Windows programming, but goes postal at the B + in English. 4 million views is astounding. It’s about as many as paid to watch Flushed Away last weekend. It has spawned many “tributes”, some by kids who aren't even Asian.

Asian American Dad Sees Barely Exceeds Standard

OR...
Sees 500 on SAT Critical Reading
OR...
See 81 on Driving Test

My turn. Let's see your Washington State assessment results. Reading, exceeds standard, good. Math, exceeds, that's also good. Science. You BARELY exceeded the standard!

Yes, the WASL was created by idiots. Our Superintendent of Public Instruction, Terry “new paradigm” Bergeson, should be burned at the stake for this abomination. Its just like that POS Crap Plus Mathematics Project homework.

But that’s no excuse. Do you think barely exceeds is going to get you into Harvard? Your Yeh-yeh walked halfway across China to college dodging Japanese bombs. Classes were finished, but he still aced the finals. Grandma caught the last plane out of Shanghai. She  raised two including me while she finished her degree.
Uncle Jason got written up in Readers Digest for his school record. Your mother escaped from Vietnam in a sinking boat looking out for pirates. She paid her own way through college on restaurant tips for THIS?

We were the first Chinese in Renton before the Great Wall Mall. We were that family in the paper where everybody played violin. I had to walk a mile in the rain and frost to school taunted by kids who called us Japs or worse. Even though we went to crummy Renton schools, we got into the Seattle Youth Symphony and all went to MIT or Stanford. I took the flying Pinto, the DC-10 to get to college. Do you think Amy Tan made this stuff up? Your departed Yeh yeh made promise you wouldn't end up at some state school like the University of Washington!

If I wasn’t born in the USA, your fanny would really be sore now.  The Xbox 360 is out. Your cello practice is going to be upped to 2 hours for the next week. I don’t care if they give you 3 hours of homework now or that I watched Star Trek reruns after school. They’ve raised the bar and times have changed. Now go out, have fun, and remember that we’re really proud of you.

Asians take over the YouTube and Google Video.

I’ll bet your TV is receiving only black and white people right now. Now search for “Colors of the wind” from  Pocahontas on YouTube.com. There's Japanese, Korean, Mandarin, Thai, Icelandic, Hebrew, French Canadian(why?) and Slovak. Wow man, it's a  jukebox that doesn ‘t need a quarter. Type in any song title. You’ll probably find the official video, a bootleg concert, and versions done with The Sims (Mandy), Guild Wars (Thriller) , Harry Potter (I Enjoy Being a Girl),  Lego Monty Python’s sketches, and even airplane crashes (Live and Let Die, oops, that’s already been taken down as inappropriate).  You need to check this out before the lawyers figure out how stop this misuse of copyrighted stuff.

I had never heard of songbird Regina Velasquez or even seen Tagalog beforeYouTube. Fans say she sings better than Celine Dione, and she speaks English better too. There are Korean guys who put American Idols to shame, yet  William Hung is the only Asian singer most Americans can name. “I Enjoy Being a Girl" by Pat Suzuki is the only Asian American hit single most Americans have actually heard. The movie version of Flower Drum song is finally to reappear on DVD after being sent to Siberia for political incorrectness and ethnic stereotyping. “Violin” brings up Vanessa Mae as a hot chick on the violin. There are astounding 5 yr old and 15 yr old violin demos, both by Asian girls.

My videos

My own videos have started from 20 views a day this spring from my son’s submarine project. With the help of Shamu lunging at birds on our vacation trip, it was up to 2,500 a day last week on both video sites, about 25,000 total. Now if I can only figure out how to sell out to Google for 1.6B like the Chinese guy who co-founded YouTube. Search for PT-109 or New Hope International (my church).  It’s amazing the junk people will watch that takes 2 minutes to film with no skill.

Update - As of 2010, channel biukucanoe on Youtube has logged 1.5 million views, plus 1.2 million views on the original channel.